This archive report was first published on 25 May 2020.
My dishonest girlfriend aborted, she wants me to forgive and forget ¶
By Philip Kitoto, Nation.co.ke, May 25, 2020
A man's girlfriend got pregnant, but she wanted an abortion. Now she's asking him to forgive and forget.
He writes to us, 'I've been dating my girlfriend for three years. Our relationship was smooth-sailing owing to the immense trust and commitment between us. I work in Bungoma, while she lives in Nairobi. We both believed that our relationship would lead to marriage. In 2019, however, she started behaving strangely, including picking fights — we would fight about every minor thing.'
He says, 'The constant fights killed our intimacy, and no matter how much I tried, I just could not take things back to the normal we knew. For close to a month, we had very poor communication, and I knew she was intentionally frustrating it.'
She then contacted him and told him that she was pregnant. He accepted responsibility, but she was angry at him, sure that he had intentionally made her pregnant.
He offered to help her through the pregnancy, but she wanted an abortion. He refused to give her money for the abortion, and eventually, she reluctantly agreed to carry the pregnancy to term.
However, she later texted him that she had a miscarriage after falling off the stairs. He has tried to forget what happened and move on, but her dishonesty still eats him up.
He asks, 'She wants us to forge ahead with our relationship, but the abortion and withholding information from me denies me peace. I'm worried this will haunt me in future. Kindly advise me.'
Our advice is that forgiveness is the only way he will be able to move on with his life. He needs to determine whether he and his girlfriend are meant for each other by comparing their values and priorities. If they share a significant number of core beliefs, it could work, but if they don't, perhaps they should call it quits.
They need to establish clear boundaries of association, whether their relationship will continue or not. If they decide to give their relationship another chance, clear boundaries should be set in regard to faithfulness, respect, and honesty.
