This archive report was first published on 23 May 2020.
It was a moment that left me speechless and questioning my own readiness to be a sperm donor. We had been dating online for a while, and I had imagined that she was attracted to me for my looks or writing talent. But now, I wasn't so sure.
As we lay in post-coital exhaustion, she sat up and made an unusual proposal. She had been trying to get a child for the past three years, but not successfully, and because she was nearing 40, time was running out. Her gynaecologist had said she had about three years to be sure, but she was hoping for a miracle.
She proposed that I be a sperm donor, and that she would raise the child herself. She would pay for everything, from the venue to the food to the transport, the prenatal and post-natal care, and raising the kid. All I had to do was show up and perform.
I was taken aback by the proposal, and I couldn't imagine that I would make a child with someone and just walk away. I thought about the idea of some little kid who has our family nose growing up fatherless, and I knew I would want to be in his life.
She asked me why I wasn't interested, and I told her that it was a big ask. She replied that it was a big ask, but she was not asking me to be a father if I didn't want to. She just wanted me to be a sperm donor, and she would raise the child herself.
Despite her reassurances, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was being asked to be a sperm donor for her own convenience. I declined the offer, and I felt bad for her. I knew that my trash was her treasure, and I couldn't give it to her.
