This archive report was first published on 16 May 2020.
Author Mariga Thoithi's DMs were flooded with messages from men sharing their experiences with their fathers. One gentleman, who wished to remain anonymous, shared a story of two pregnancy scares before his wedding, which led him to block the women involved.
As Thoithi delved deeper into the conversations, a common theme emerged: the fear of fatherhood and the impact of their relationships with their dads on their own parenting styles.
Many of the men in the DMs had distant relationships with their fathers, with some describing it as 'respectful but odd.' They knew their fathers loved them, but the relationships never progressed beyond a certain point.
Thoithi's own relationship with his father was complicated, with an 'impenetrable wall' between them until they became friends as adults. He realized that his father was human, with flaws and all, and was trying to figure life and fatherhood out.
However, Thoithi's father is no longer alive, and he acknowledges that apologies may never come. He urges men to take responsibility for their healing and make decisions about the kind of fathers they want to be.
As Thoithi asks, 'Can you see parts of yourself that you don't like that look eerily similar to parts of your father that you didn't like? What are you doing about it?'
