This archive report was first published on 16 May 2020.
On a recent Zoom call with a women's chama, I was struck by the candidness of the young women discussing their concerns about intimacy in new relationships. The chairperson had invited me to speak to the group's daughters, who were soon to be married, about the importance of starting their sex lives on a positive note.
"Some of our daughters are about to get married," the chairperson explained. "We don't want them to start off like we did. Nobody prepared us, and for days, we agonized."
As we discussed the challenges of navigating intimacy, it became clear that many young women enter marriage without proper guidance. Unlike in the past, when social structures provided lessons on intimacy, today's youth often rely on novels, movies, or uninformed peers for information.
Religious institutions offer pre-marital counseling, but these lessons often focus on avoiding sex before marriage rather than providing practical guidance on intimacy. As a result, many couples are left to trial and error, leading to discomfort, pain, and anxiety.
One of the young women on the call, Maria, shared her concerns: "I plan to get married this year, and I'm so anxious. Will I be able to satisfy him?"
It's not just women who struggle with intimacy. Many men lack sex skills, and their partners may feel like they're being "raped" by their own bodies. The fear of disease, pain, and inadequacy can be overwhelming.
However, there is hope. By prioritizing open communication and education, couples can break the silence surrounding intimacy and create a positive, enjoyable sex life. Foreplay, sensual activities, and communication are key to a healthy and satisfying relationship.
As I concluded the Zoom call, I realized that these young women were not just seeking advice; they were seeking empowerment. And with the right guidance, they can take control of their intimacy and create a fulfilling sex life.
