This archive report was first published on 13 January 2020.
My husband's alcoholism is slowly killing our marriage, please help! ¶
Published on January 13, 2020
By Philip Kitoto
My husband's addiction to alcohol has taken a toll on our marriage, leaving me feeling helpless and unsure of what to do.
He lost his job due to his drinking habit, and since then, our relationship has been strained. He calls me names, accuses me of not valuing him, and has become cruel, making me fear for my safety and that of our child.
My parents suggest that I move in with them, but I'm hesitant to leave because I took a vow to keep our marriage going. Separation or divorce is not an option for me.
Recently, my husband started making demands for a second baby, which I find difficult to understand, given our current situation.
I'm at a loss on what to do and seek your advice on how to help my husband and save our marriage.
It's not clear what triggered his drinking habit, but it's evident that it's caused him to lose his job, his church friends, and his sense of purpose.
His addiction has led to emotional abuse, late arrivals home, and a cycle of anxiety and anger that's difficult to break.
As a sober partner, I need to be the voice of hope, reason, and support, but it's challenging, especially when he's become a captive of alcoholism.
Here are some practical ways to help both of us walk a road towards healing:
- Be sure that he sees and knows that, regardless of what we face, I love and honour him.
- Make home the best place he'd want to come back to, being uncompromising, firm, and yet caring.
- Grow a tough skin to those who talk negatively about him and our family.
- Demonstrate the kind of life God would want to see from us, being clear on the behaviours or actions we won't tolerate.
- Be consistent in praying for him and myself, having good people surround us in prayer.
It's essential to understand what drives people to become alcoholic, and in this case, it's likely his desire to forget the problems he's facing.
Getting professional help could be the next level if things don't improve, helping us unearth and understand the background of this drinking problem.
Breaking out of this habit and building new ones requires effort and commitment from both of us.
As I mentioned earlier, my inner healing is key to getting rid of blame that will drive my husband away.
Consistency in doing good from an unselfish heart will deposit little seeds that will one day germinate and bring forth the desired change of behaviour or an acknowledgment that they need help.
