This archive report was first published on 12 January 2020.
Breakups can be devastating, leaving us heartbroken, lost, and in pain. The relationship may have been awful, but the end of it still feels like a loss. It's natural to feel angry, depressed, and even in denial, hoping that your partner will change their mind and come back.
However, the reality is that most relationships don't work out, and there's no going back. The good news is that you will recover, but it may take months or even years. Don't expect to be back on track in a few days or weeks; accept that you will feel miserable for a while.
Instead of trying to numb your feelings with rebound sex, drink, or drugs, acknowledge what you're feeling and talk to your friends, family, or a trusted colleague. Stick to a daily routine, but also start to develop new habits to re-establish yourself as an individual.
Missing someone can be triggered like a craving, so getting rid of potential prompts will help you avoid feeling unhappy. Make your home feel different from when your ex was around by moving the furniture, buying a different soap, and avoiding their music. Unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter, and don't send drunken emails or texts.
Learn a new skill, imagine building a new life with someone new, exercise, and listen to your favorite tunes. Both will improve your mood. Avoid places you used to go together, and if you do bump into your ex, be courteous and say 'Hi' as if they were an ordinary acquaintance.
Deciding to feel some empathy towards your ex and forgiving them when you're ready will also help you move on. Because if you don't, you'll never stop obsessing over them and becoming more and more bitter.
Forgiving an ex can be difficult, but start by putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand why they did what they did. Maybe it's not possible to find a definite answer, but at least try to come up with some theories. Figure out what went wrong without worrying over whose fault it was, and focus on the things you should change in your next relationship.
Everyone's different, but most people feel ready to start dating again after a few months. Don't think that your ex is the only person you could ever love; there are plenty of people out there who can make you happy. And don't be afraid to love again – the risk is worth it.
