This archive report was first published on 25 November 2019.
Africa: Domestic Violence has Many Faces - Peggy's Story ¶
Published on November 25, 2019
Peggy Mburu, a lawyer by profession, currently pursuing a master's in human rights, shares her story of emotional and psychological abuse, the support from her mother and friends, and how she got away.
As a child, Peggy's mother raised her and her brother single-handedly, providing them with the best possible life. Peggy attended a primary school near her home, passed well, and was admitted to a provincial secondary school. She excelled in her studies and was admitted to a public university, where she completed her first degree.
However, Peggy's life took a turn for the worse when she entered into toxic relationships. One of these relationships was particularly abusive, causing her to feel like she was walking on eggshells. She was cautious and afraid of hurting her boyfriend's feelings, often doing anything he asked of her.
Despite the emotional and psychological abuse, Peggy's circle of friends was supportive, and this made her stay in campus easier. However, the abuse continued, and Peggy eventually found herself in another abusive relationship. This time, she was comfortable and gave it her all, but the break-ups began, and the emotional abuse cycle started again.
It took Peggy a long time to leave the abusive relationship, partly due to fear of being judged by society and partly due to the fear of being branded and labelled. However, one day, while breastfeeding her child, Peggy saw the light and left the relationship. She returned home to her mother, who received her with love, but Peggy still felt like a burden.
With the support of her non-judgmental friends, Peggy began to heal. She realized that she had been longing for affirmations in her relationships and that she had been carrying the pain of her past experiences for a long time. Peggy's wake-up call came when she fainted while walking in her estate, and after consulting a doctor, she was advised to see a counsellor. She went through mild depression but was blessed to have recovered fully.
Today, Peggy is married to an amazing man, and through counselling and pre-marital classes, she has learned to identify what works for her and what she should not take in. She holds sessions to empower women on their rights, responsibilities, and duties, teaching them to put themselves first and be more than just a mum, wife, or sister.
According to Peggy, women stay in abusive relationships because they become used to the abuse, believe they can love the abuse out of the abuser, fear being judged by others, or have nowhere else to go. However, Peggy believes that every experience has a reason behind it, and hers has led her to establish a system to help other women leave abusive relationships.
