This archive report was first published on 26 October 2019.
Co-parenting has become a popular choice for many couples who have decided to part ways, but it's not as easy as it seems. In fact, it can be an exhausting and highly-stressful business.
According to research, the quality of the relationship between co-parents has a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of the child. This means that if the parents are able to keep their own emotions at bay, managing the feelings of loneliness, depression, and/or anxiety that have come to the surface, their children will make it through this transition with less negative impact.
However, many couples find it difficult to seamlessly transition from a duo to co-parents with grace, dignity, and ease. They often struggle with decision-making, communication, and the emotional impact of co-parenting on their children.
"Co-parenting is not as rosy as I portray it to be," says Judy Chebet, a 29-year-old mother who has been co-parenting her four-year-old son for two years. "I will put on a smiley face and show the world that everything is fine, but behind closed doors I will scream and shout."
Another challenge that many co-parents face is the introduction of a new partner. This can lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, and competition for the child's attention.
"My ex and I were getting along just great…until I started seeing someone – then all hell broke loose," says Waithera, a beautician in the city. "What is it about dating and remarriage that can cause a previously cordial parenting partnership to go south?"
Experts say that the key to successful co-parenting is communication, flexibility, and a willingness to put the child's needs first. "Having to deal with your ex is difficult because this is someone who may have caused a lot of emotional pain," says Jackie Keya, a blended family life coach and founder of The Blended Family Network. "As a co-parent, you are constantly worried about how badly the situation will affect your child."
Despite the challenges, many co-parents are finding ways to make it work. "I sometimes make decisions about my daughter alone and have to deal with two people questioning me about it," says Daniel Oloo, a 32-year-old father who has been co-parenting for five years. "It is draining."
Ultimately, co-parenting requires a lot of effort, patience, and understanding. It's not always easy, but it's worth it for the sake of the child.
