This archive report was first published on 22 October 2019.
When seeking advice, people often want more than just a solution – they want to be heard and understood. Heather Havrilesky, an advice columnist and author, notes that people may say they want a strategy, but what they really mean is, 'I want someone to understand me.'
According to Melody Li, a licensed therapist, it's crucial to ask the advice-seeker if they're willing to hear your ideas or if the time isn't right. This approach helps balance the playing field and shows respect for the person's wishes.
Before offering advice, it's essential to be clear about the advice-seeker's goals. Austin Kleon, author of 'Steal Like an Artist,' suggests drilling down to the exact problem and asking, 'What do you want to know specifically that I can help you with?' This helps avoid overwhelming the person with irrelevant information.
Li also recommends repeating back what you've heard to ensure you understand the heart of the issue. Ask about the desired outcome and what has been done to address the problem to ensure your suggestions align with the person's goals.
When considering giving advice, it's vital to assess your qualifications. Dr. Tost notes that people often turn to family and friends for advice, but they may not always be in the best position to provide effective guidance. Ask yourself if you have the expertise, experience, or knowledge needed to provide helpful advice.
Ultimately, the key to giving advice that's welcomed is to put the advice-seeker's needs and interests first. By being clear, respectful, and considerate, you can provide guidance that's both helpful and effective.
Collaborating on a solution is also crucial. A recent study found that doctors who offer assurance can help alleviate their patients' symptoms. Certified life coach Dee C. Marshall emphasizes the importance of starting the advice-giving conversation with a reassuring tone and praising the advice-seeker before offering suggestions.
