This archive report was first published on 19 October 2019.
Published on October 19, 2019, by JOACHIM OSUR, a sexologist at the Sexology Clinic.
Ann and her husband, Ted, were experiencing a difficult time in their relationship. They had not talked to each other for three weeks, the longest time this had ever happened. They shared the same bed but faced different directions.
Ann visited the Sexology Clinic, explaining that Ted accused her of being insensitive to his sexual needs because he was the one who initiated sex. She didn't understand why this was an issue now, after living together for four years.
Ann and Ted were both lecturers at a public university, and they had one child aged two years. During sex, Ann always had a great time and got orgasms most of the time. However, she never thought of or craved sex and therefore never felt obliged to initiate it.
On the other hand, Ted felt that Ann did not love him because she never initiated sex. The couple's ability to have sex was therefore pegged on Ted initiating it.
After diagnosing the couple's issue, the sexologist explained that there are three types of sexual desire: spontaneous, responsive, and contextual. Most people get a mixture of all types of desires, but one type is always predominant.
The sexologist concluded that Ted tended to get spontaneous desire, while Ann was more inclined to the responsive type. He advised the couple to learn about each other's desire tendencies to have an enjoyable sexual life.
After the explanation, Ann stood up, pulled Ted by the hand, and hugged him, saying she would try to initiate sex. The couple's differing sex desires were no longer a source of conflict, thanks to their newfound understanding.
