This archive report was first published on 17 October 2019.
Etiquette is a teachable skill, but can your partner learn and adapt to different social norms and expectations? A recent experience shared by a reader highlights the importance of etiquette in relationships and social interactions.
According to the reader, a man invited them to dinner in London, but the evening was marred by a cultural misunderstanding. The man had been home for dinner many times, but on this visit, he explained that they could not go to his house because it had flooded and repairs were underway. However, when the bill arrived, he asked the waiter to split it four ways, assuming each person would pay their own share. The waiter, assuming the opposite, had already split the bill, leading to confusion and an awkward situation.
As the reader notes, etiquette is heavily culture-bound, and what is considered correct in one culture may be frowned upon in another. A recent argument in a Japanese restaurant in Nairobi illustrates this point. A man and a woman were eating sushi, with the woman using chopsticks correctly, but the man using his hands. A Japanese man sitting next to them intervened, explaining that in some parts of Japan, men may use their hands to eat sushi, while women must always use chopsticks.
Etiquette is not just about cultural norms; it also involves basic social skills, such as walking on a woman's left-hand side (except for military men who may need to salute) and not discussing age, wealth, religion, or love affairs with non-family members. A middle-aged man was ostracized by his friends for bragging about his relationships with young women, crossing the line into unacceptable behavior.
Good etiquette also demands that a lady always carries her handbag, while a man may carry her coat to the cloakroom. Putting one's mobile phone on the table during a meeting or dinner is also considered a breach of etiquette, as it implies that the person with you is dispensable.
As the reader concludes, etiquette is teachable, but it requires a motivated student. If your partner is serious about learning and adapting to different social norms and expectations, then they should be willing to learn and improve their etiquette skills.
