This archive report was first published on 11 October 2019.
Relationships are not immune to disagreements, but when couples keep fighting about the same issues, it may be a sign of a deeper problem. According to relationship therapist Grace Kariuki, there are four major reasons why couples keep fighting about the same things.
Published on October 11, 2019, Grace shares her insights on the matter.
Firstly, not listening to each other is a major contributor to repeated fights. When partners don't validate or acknowledge each other's feelings, they continue to fight about the process rather than the issue.
Secondly, a desire to win an argument can lead to repeated fights. When the goal is always to win the argument rather than address the issue at hand, couples may never find a solution.
Thirdly, socialization can also play a role in repeated fights. How one is socialized can influence their behavior in relationships, and if they were raised to recycle arguments, they may continue to do so in their own relationships.
Lastly, holding onto old hurts and pains can also lead to repeated fights. For some people, it's easier said than done to forgive and forget, and they may continue to bring up old issues as a way of gaining power in a fight.
So, what can couples do if they keep fighting about the same things? Grace advises that couples should learn healthy problem-solving and decision-making skills, as well as anger management, active listening, and emotional regulation. These skills can be self-taught or sought through professional relationship counseling or coaching.
