This archive report was first published on 5 October 2019.
As I reflect on my own experience with bride price, I've come to realize that the cheapest way to get married is by not getting married at all. But for those who are already married or planning to be, this conversation is a must-read.
My Twitter followers shared their experiences with bride price, ranging from kind in-laws and token payments to extortionate demands in the millions. It's clear that bride price has become a criminal enterprise, with our uncles and fathers as the gang leaders and young men as the silent victims.
So, why do we pay bride price in the first place? According to legend, it's a token of appreciation to the bride's family and a symbol of the groom's commitment to take care of her. However, this noble idea has evolved into a system where tokens appreciate into millions, leaving young men indebted to their in-laws.
I once eavesdropped on a bride price negotiation, where the discussion sounded like a business deal. The bride's attributes were being listed like an item on Amazon, and her education was being used as leverage. The session took a dramatic turn when the groom's uncles stormed out, demanding two million bob. It was a tense moment, but the mediator eventually brought them back.
As I walked back to where the groom was seated, I couldn't help but think that we were helpless in the situation. Kandie and I swore to never be those uncles who harass the groom's family over dowry. But this incident is not unique to us. Discussions like these have become all too common in recent years, with young men starting to ask the necessary questions.
Why is bride price so high? Why am I paying bride price in the first place? What happens if I don't pay? These questions make sense because marriage is supposed to be a happy affair, not a source of debt and family feuds.
It's time for us to be more reasonable with bride price. If it's exorbitant, my advice to young men is to take a short break before resuming the discussions. Otherwise, you might break more actual legs in anger.
Take a short walk, get married, and have three children. By that time, I'm certain your in-laws will have changed their minds.
