This archive report was first published on 28 September 2019.
As I navigated the complexities of adulthood, I found myself wondering: why are men's friendships so hard to maintain?
It's a question that has puzzled me for years, and one that I've grappled with in my own life. I've always been drawn to the idea of having a close-knit group of friends, the kind of men who would be there for me through thick and thin.
But the reality is that these kinds of friendships are often elusive. We may have a few close friends in high school or university, but as we enter adulthood, our relationships with each other tend to fade.
It's not just a matter of being busy or having different priorities. The truth is that many men struggle to form and maintain meaningful friendships, and it's a problem that affects us all.
Take, for example, the story of Bob Collymore, the former CEO of Safaricom. His passing sparked a wave of tributes and condolences, but it also highlighted the fact that many men lack a strong support network of friends.
Collymore's friends were the kind of men who inspired each other to greatness, who flew around the world to attend each other's funerals, and who had big titles and even bigger bank accounts. They were the epitome of the aspirational boys club.
But despite their success, they were not immune to the challenges of maintaining friendships. In fact, Collymore's own story is a testament to the fact that even the most successful men can struggle to form and maintain meaningful relationships.
So what's behind this phenomenon? Why are men's friendships so hard to maintain?
One reason is that many men are simply not taught how to form and maintain close relationships. We're often encouraged to be independent and self-sufficient, to rely on ourselves rather than others.
But this approach can be damaging, as it can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It's only when we're faced with a crisis or a challenge that we realize the importance of having a strong support network of friends.
Another reason is that many men are simply not willing to put in the effort required to maintain friendships. We may have a few close friends, but we often don't make the time to nurture and deepen those relationships.
As a result, our friendships can become superficial and shallow, lacking the depth and intimacy that we crave.
So what can we do to change this? How can we form and maintain meaningful friendships as men?
One approach is to prioritize vulnerability and openness in our relationships. This means being willing to share our thoughts and feelings with each other, and being receptive to the thoughts and feelings of others.
It also means being willing to take risks and be vulnerable, even if it means being hurt or rejected. This can be scary, but it's often necessary for building and maintaining close relationships.
Another approach is to focus on building relationships that are based on mutual support and respect. This means being there for each other, even when it's hard or inconvenient.
It also means being willing to listen and learn from each other, and being open to new ideas and perspectives.
Ultimately, forming and maintaining meaningful friendships as men requires a willingness to be vulnerable, open, and receptive. It requires us to be willing to take risks and be hurt, and to prioritize relationships that are based on mutual support and respect.
It's not always easy, but it's worth it. For when we have strong, meaningful friendships, we're able to navigate the challenges of life with greater ease and confidence.
