This archive report was first published on 28 September 2019.
Painful Intercourse: What to Do ¶
Published on September 28, 2019
Dear Reader, if you're experiencing pain during or after intercourse, it's crucial to address the issue promptly. Painful sex can be a sign of an underlying medical condition, and ignoring it can lead to more severe complications.
Firstly, it's essential to consult a doctor for a professional medical evaluation. A doctor can help identify the cause of the pain and recommend the necessary treatment plan. Don't be shy or concerned about the cost; visiting a doctor sooner rather than later puts you in the best position to treat, manage, or interrupt a medical issue.
There are many gentle, empathic, patient, and affordable doctors available. If you don't know one, you can reach out to me for referrals. The bottom line is to go and see a doctor for a professional medical evaluation, recommendation, and treatment plan.
Secondly, easing into intercourse can help alleviate pain. If you're female, take time during foreplay to allow your body to provide sufficient lubrication and other physiological changes. This means flirting, kissing, touching, and whatever else can bring relaxation and heighten excitement. If you're male, foreplay is not just for the female partner; it's essential for you too, as a relaxed and well-lubricated partner is not only a better satisfied partner but also one who will not cause any injury or discomfort to you.
Penetration can be uncomfortable if your partner is too tense, tight, and dry. In such cases, you may struggle to penetrate, which can cause you (and her) pain in the genital area. If you and your partner still don't get lubricated well enough despite sufficient foreplay, consider using an over-the-counter (OTC) lubricant. Water-based or silicone-based lubricants are good options, but be sure to check if they are condom-safe.
Lastly, be gentle during sex. If you and your partner enjoy vigorous, prolonged sex, remember to be gentle until you figure out what hurts and what doesn't. This will help you enjoy your sex life without paying a 'pain & suffering' tax.
I hope these suggestions help you understand your body better and have less pain and more pleasure when you do have sex. Maggie Gitu is a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist (MAMFT) and can be reached at or on Instagram @maggiethetherapist.
