This archive report was first published on 21 September 2019.
As I sat in the audience listening to a fellow writer's presentation at an international literary conference in Kampala, I felt an electrifying thrill run through me. Her mellifluous eloquence and the impeccable logic of her presentation left me deeply impressed. I couldn't help but think that she was 'just about as perfect as she could be', a phrase that echoed the name Kasemiire, the leading character in a novel published by my dear sister in 1996.
My fascination with the speaker reminded me of the heart-warming sequence in Assumpta Matei's Chozi la Heri, where Mwangeka falls in love with Apondi. Mwangeka, a soldier who returns from a peacekeeping mission to find his young family wiped out in an orgy of ethnic violence, meets Apondi, a youngish widow and social worker, at a conference on internal security. As he listens to Apondi's presentation, Mwangeka is struck by her intelligence, articulateness, and self-confidence. The encounter leads to a beautiful and productive relationship.
But not all men relate to women in this way. Some men, unfortunately, fall into the categories of misogynists, egotistical brutes, and chauvinistic shenzis. The misogynists are inherently negative psychopaths who hate women and yet are drawn to them. They react with destruction: abuse, violence, rape, and femicide. The egotistical brutes regard women as mere 'things', objectifying them and reducing their value to simple and specious elements. Most men, however, seem to belong to a primitive mass of uninformed, ill-informed, or misinformed chauvinists conditioned by centuries of opportunistic beliefs and practices.
One simple solution to this lies in the appreciation and acceptance of the logical truth that men and women are equally human and should be valued, respected, and loved as such in the first place. The main requirement for improving the situation is a massive education and sensitization programme for our men in decent gender relations.
As I reflect on my own romantic experiences, I realize that I still get deeply attracted to some women. I admire and desire them, and I wish they would notice me. But I also disapprove of those predatory males who go lusting after their sons' girlfriends or daughters' age-mates, even to the extent of eloping with them. Such behavior is simply preposterous.
My first serious fall in love was around this time of year, September or October, in 1966. That was just a few 53 years ago, but the memories are still vivid. Indeed, I recently realized that every time the northern autumn comes around, I tend to get into an inexplicable romantic mood. I am calling this heady emotional spell of mine 'falling in love in the fall'. It's a feeling that I cherish, and one that I hope to experience again and again.
