This archive report was first published on 20 September 2019.
10 Signs You're in an Unhappy Marriage ¶
Published on September 20, 2019
According to psychotherapist Ross Grossman, most couples argue over three things: money, sex, and power. These three arguments can be boiled down to the single issue of power, with one partner trying to exert control over the other.
Grossman explains that people want to have some kind of 'agency' in their relationships, but when one partner tries to assert their power over the other, it can lead to unhappy marriages. This is often due to a 'command/demand' mentality, where one partner believes they know what's right and tries to impose their will on the other.
Here are 10 signs that you may be in an unhappy marriage:
1. Your partner is secretive about their online activities ¶
While it's natural to want to know what your partner is doing online, demanding constant monitoring can be a sign of a deeper issue. Grossman suggests talking to your partner about privacy and trust instead of trying to control their behavior.
2. Your partner is unwilling to have sex with you ¶
Sexual intimacy is an important part of any relationship, and a complete dry spell for longer than a few months can be a sign of a deeper issue. Grossman suggests talking to your partner about what's going on and finding ways to be intimate without intercourse.
3. Your partner doesn't express compliments or gratitude ¶
Every relationship needs 'love deposits' or 'Kodak moments' to keep things positive. Grossman suggests thanking your partner, telling them how good they look, and showing appreciation for them.
4. You have fights in public where your partner blurts out private information ¶
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but if your partner consistently has low impulse control and blurts out private information in public, it can be a sign of a deeper issue.
5. You're afraid to say anything critical or confrontational ¶
While it's natural to want to avoid conflict, fearing disputes can be devastating for a relationship. Grossman suggests talking to your partner about your concerns and finding ways to resolve issues together.
6. You or your partner lack a sense of humor ¶
Humor is crucial in any relationship, and a lack of humor can contribute to an unhappy marriage. Grossman suggests assuming that you and your partner are both fallible humans and finding ways to laugh at your mistakes.
7. You or your partner can't receive criticism ¶
Receiving criticism is never easy, but a complete inability to hear criticism can be a sign of a deeper issue. Grossman suggests finding ways to grow and learn from your mistakes.
8. You or your partner always plays the victim ¶
Playing the victim can be a sign of a deeper issue, such as a lack of responsibility or a need for control. Grossman suggests finding ways to take responsibility for your actions and work through issues together.
9. You're unable to forgive and hold onto grudges ¶
Forgiveness is an important part of any relationship, and holding onto grudges can be toxic. Grossman suggests finding ways to forgive and move forward.
10. You or your partner are unwilling to accept apologies ¶
Apologies are an important part of any relationship, and refusing to accept them can be a sign of a deeper issue. Grossman suggests finding ways to work through issues and move forward.
