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Sonko: The Unlikely Cure for Nairobi's Cartels

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Nyakundi Report

Newsroom 1 min read

This archive report was first published on 21 August 2019.

On August 21, 2019, a bizarre outbreak of Phobia Deficiency Syndrome (PDS) sent shockwaves through Nairobi's medical community. The disease, allegedly linked to Governor Mike Sonko, has left many doctors baffled, as they struggle to find a cure despite patients offering millions in exchange for treatment.

The symptoms of PDS are varied and alarming, including diarrhea, high fever, headache, vomiting, uncontrolled urination, shaking, coughing, and vivid nightmares. Research suggests that the disease primarily affects individuals who have engaged in illicit activities, such as land grabbing and corruption.

Notable victims of the disease include former Governor Dr. Evans Kidero, Mike Maina, Patrick Nderitu, former Finance Chief Officer Nairobi County Kiamba, Kiambu Governor Ferdinand Waititu, and current victim Aden Duale. The only known cure for PDS is reportedly Governor Sonko, who possesses evidence against the affected cartels.

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