This archive report was first published on 19 August 2019.
Kenyan public universities have distinct personalities, much like women. Let's imagine them as such.
Imagine Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology as a tomboy. She's the kind of woman who's hard to tell apart from the men, often found in their company. She's not concerned with her appearance, throwing on whatever she finds in the morning and heading out without even brushing her teeth.
She's also a bit of a troublemaker, often squabbling with bus conductors and threatening physical altercations over fare increases. And, to top it off, she's a heavy drinker and a frequent weed smoker.
On the other hand, the University of Nairobi was once a stunning beauty, with curves in all the right places, killer legs, and a flawless face. She attracted both the wealthy and the poor alike. However, her love of excitement led her to take risks, and she didn't know when to say no. As a result, she's now alone, sipping coffee on her balcony every evening.
Kenyatta University is often described as the 'thirsty' one. This refers to the difference between a woman who shoots her shot and one who's overly aggressive. Kenyatta University is the latter, always looking for something more, often to the point of being unprintable. And when she's done, she kicks you out without even asking your name.
Moi University is likened to the notorious 'nitumie fare' types. Even if you send the money, something always comes up, and she'll find an excuse to avoid you. She's also rude, unkempt, and has a short memory, only able to recall 'chapo-madondo vibandas' and keg joints. And, to top it off, she's ridiculously slow.
Egerton University is often described as a woman who lives a lie. She pretends to be something she's not, all because she has a cool name. She walks around telling people she comes from Runda, but in reality, her 'Gucci' handbag and red Louboutin stilettos are fake, and she's just as ghetto as her closest friend, Moi University.
