This archive report was first published on 17 August 2019.
According to a recent meeting of a local chama, the frequency of sex in marriages tends to decline as relationships progress. The group's chairperson expressed concern about this trend, seeking advice from a guest speaker on how to address it.
The discussion revealed a stark contrast between newly married couples, who reported having sex almost daily, and those married for over five years, who had sex once or twice a week. One couple, married for over 10 years, reported having sex only once or twice a month.
Research suggests that sex thrives in playful, value-free relationships, where individuals can be vulnerable without fear of consequences. However, marriage often introduces stressors such as work, family, and financial pressures, leading to disagreements and a decline in intimacy.
Another factor contributing to the decline of sex in marriage is what the author terms the 'daddy/mummy syndrome.' This phenomenon occurs when couples, particularly those with children, begin to use parental titles and adopt a more parental relationship dynamic, suppressing their natural desire for intimacy.
Experts, including Sigmund Freud, suggest that people learn about love from their parents, but this love is often devoid of sex. As adults, we may subconsciously seek to recreate this 'true love' in our relationships, but with the added complexity of sex, leading to conflict and a decline in intimacy.
To combat this trend, couples can take steps to sustain romance, such as creating time for each other, engaging in activities that promote intimacy, and seeking enrichment seminars or workshops. By investing in their relationships, couples can keep the 'fire' of their first love alive and avoid the problems that often arise when left to take their natural course.
