This archive report was first published on 21 July 2019.
As we continue to grapple with the growing numbers of suicide and reports of depression, it's essential to recognize that mental illness is not the only factor at play. In fact, many of us suffer from some form of mental dysfunctionality, but we often fail to acknowledge the role our parents played in shaping our adult lives.
Our parents, who were often products of their own traumatic experiences, passed on their own dysfunctionalities to us. They were the ones who barked orders, beat us, and uttered words that left us with low self-esteem. They played favourites, showering love and attention on some children while neglecting others. They had strange habits and attitudes towards food, child labour, visitors, and even TV and radio.
As a result, many of us grew up with a scarcity mentality, where we were conditioned to be frugal even when we had the means. We were treated like slaves, beasts of burden, and were often overworked. We were initiated into the world of nepotism and favouritism, where some children were viewed through rose-coloured lenses while others were shunned.
Today, we see the effects of our parents' actions in our workplaces, social lives, and love relationships. We're nasty colleagues, lovers, and siblings because we cannot acknowledge that we're 'messed up.' We seek validation from backstabbing our colleagues, driving fuel-guzzling cars, and consuming excessive drinks. We turn our childhood dysfunctionalities into bedroom prowess, believing that a 30-second orgasm or the scent of a new baby can convince our parents that we're worthy.
Sibling rivalries, a creation of our parents' play, often play out badly in adult life. We spend our entire lives and earnings trying to win favour with our parents, sometimes forsaking our own flesh and blood. Inheritance battles are often about settling scores and healing wounds inflicted in childhood.
It's time to confront our parents and family members about their actions and decisions. We need to stop shying away from therapy and acknowledge that we're all dysfunctional, some of us are fully mad – but all of us need help big time.
