This archive report was first published on 12 July 2019.
CHERO'S TAKE: The Power of Kindness in Managing House Helps ¶
Published on July 12, 2019
As a mother, I have been fortunate to have had two dedicated domestic managers (DMs) who have taken care of my children for the past seven years. My current DM was referred to me by her sister, who had previously worked for me and had gotten married to a 'kinyozi' owner in our estate.
My DM's sister had been with me for six years, and I still miss her. I attribute my good fortune to the Almighty, who has given me a good breed of house helps. My children have been raised by just two DMs, and they are sisters.
When you have a good DM, you get the peace of mind to be productive at work. It's not easy for mothers out there to constantly visit bureaus and ask around for someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows a house help searching for a job.
Many of my friends who have met my DM have asked me to get them her relatives from Busia. They're looking for a 'good one' - someone who takes care of the kids well, cooks well, keeps the house clean, and is strict with mannerism, taking on the role of a parent when I'm not around.
I give credit where it's due, and to be honest, my DMs have enabled me to work, study, and do my business at ease. I've had fewer problems with maids compared to my friends, workmates, and relatives. I've even tried bringing in my DM's relatives for them, but they leave after a short while.
One incident that stands out was when my DM's first cousin, whom we referred her to, called me at 4:00 am, a week after she reported to work. She was asking me to pick her up in Mwiki because her employer had chased her away. The reason? She failed to put a charcoal jiko back in the house before she slept, and a heavy downpour overnight had damaged it.
Another relative of my DM left her employer's house after the employer threw all the chapatis she had made for dinner into the dustbin and then drove herself and the children to Garden City to have dinner, leaving the maid at home.
Every mother has a way of managing their DM, but my take is that a large percentage of how your maid will act depends on how you handle them. Of course, there are those who come to our homes with ulterior motives, and it's essential to know where they come from and take precautionary measures like having scanned copies of their IDs on file.
DMs can be really annoying, but if they're good with children, they can be tolerated. If they're kind, patient, and sensitive to children, the other qualities can be taught over time. A happy maid will care for your child like her own, and if you frustrate your maid, your child will be the soft target when you leave.
It takes twenty-five tonnes of patience to tolerate a maid who has any of the above qualities. My take is that if they're good with children, they can be taught the other qualities. A stranger in your house every two weeks is not good for your child's emotional well-being.
Let's be honest; most of the helps come from rural areas, and some don't have the prowess to make perfect chapattis. I don't know about your rural home, but at mine, chapattis were a rare delicacy that we consumed just once in two months or even in six months. Being perfect in making them takes practice.
Some have never seen some of these appliances some of you have. They may not know how to use them, so teach them with patience. DMs are humans; they have feelings. They undergo mood swings, fall in love, get angry, sometimes fall ill, miss home, have wishes and regrets, and get thirsty for affection.
They also want a sense of belonging, to feel appreciated, secure, and to menstruate. They get broke, sleepy, want to be entertained, and experience depression. If only we can listen to their stories and understand them, give them direction, let them express themselves to us, and appreciate them when they do a good job. At the end of the day, we trust them with our greatest possession - Children.
