This archive report was first published on 18 October 2021.
Grief is a natural part of life, but it can be a long and painful process. While some people may find comfort in the idea that time heals all wounds, the reality is that grief can last for years, even decades.
Maggy Waithira, a 32-year-old mother of two, knows this all too well. She lost her baby two days after delivery, and the pain of her loss still lingers. 'People told me that I am still young and I can have another child, others said the baby was not meant to be mine that is why I lost it,' she recalls. 'Then someone says the baby was not mine.'
These kinds of comments can be particularly hurtful to those who are grieving. Clinical psychologist Jacqueline Gathu notes that the bereaved need a support system to discharge emotions and that professional help can be beneficial. 'You cannot do this alone even if you have family and friends,' she says. 'You need professional help especially if the grief is prolonged or the loss is affecting you in a way that you never thought it would and you are feeling that your life is coming to an end.'
So, what should you say to a grieving person? The answer is often simple: nothing. 'Just give a hug, it's better to keep quite as opposed to saying things like it's okay, God will make away,' Gathu advises. 'Remember this person is blaming God for the loss?'
Some common phrases that can be hurtful to those who are grieving include 'It is well,' 'They are in a better place,' and 'Time heals.' These comments can come across as insensitive and dismissive of the person's pain. Instead, try to offer a listening ear and a supportive presence.
As Gathu notes, 'You need to be weak, you need to be vulnerable because that's the only way to heal.' By being present and supportive, you can help someone navigate the difficult process of grief.
