This archive report was first published on 14 August 2021.
As you navigate the complexities of family relationships, you may find yourself facing a difficult decision: how much to tolerate in the face of disagreement. In your case, it's about your sister's refusal to accept your same-sex partner.
While you've made it clear that you won't leave your son with your parents again unless they promise not to expose him to disparagement of your relationship, you're aware that this may not be enough to satisfy their concerns. They may feel that agreeing to this condition is a rejection of their eldest daughter.
Philosophers have long debated the importance of consistency in our beliefs, but in real life, our beliefs are often a patchwork quilt. Your family's desire to maintain a loving relationship with both you and your intolerant sister is a testament to this. Concord, not coherence, is the goal.
Ultimately, your most consequential choice is about what you want from your sister. You can remind her of Christian teachings that emphasize love and respect, even for those who hold mistaken beliefs. As the Watchtower Society notes, 'Respect everyone.' You have choices to make, and so does she.
— Kwame Anthony Appiah teaches philosophy at N.Y.U. His books include 'Cosmopolitanism,' 'The Honor Code,' and 'The Lies That Bind: Rethinking Identity.' To submit a query, send an email to [email protected] or mail to The Ethicist, The New York Times Magazine, 620 Eighth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10018 (include a daytime phone number).
