This archive report was first published on 24 August 2020.
Confessions: I Cheated on My Husband, Should I Come Clean? ¶
Published on August 24, 2020
A woman who cheated on her husband a year ago is torn between confessing to her partner and keeping the secret to herself, fearing the consequences of their relationship.
She writes to us, 'I cheated on my husband a year ago with a colleague. My husband is a good man. And it is tearing me up inside. How do I forgive myself? Or should I own up to him and hope he forgives me?'
Our readers offer varying advice, with some suggesting that she should keep the secret to herself, while others encourage her to confess and face the consequences.
One reader, Tasma Saka, writes, 'If you own up, at this point, you will be creating more problems for yourself and the family. Your husband may want to imagine it could not just be that. Should he come to discover and ask about it, then that would be the opportunity to clear your conscience by being honest.'
Another reader, Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo, cautions her about the risks of sexually transmitted infections, writing, 'Even if you had protected sex, anything from careless handling of a condom, oral sex or even sharing wiping clothes after the act can expose you to sexually transmitted infections.'
However, Boke Mahare, a counsellor, suggests that the woman should consider the well-being of her marriage and family, writing, 'It is easy to tell you to open up but I would rather you weigh the situation yourself. What is it that both of you can handle? At the end of the day, it should not just be about you but the well-being of your marriage and family.'
Simon Anyona, a relationships counsellor, advises the woman to address the underlying issues that led her to cheat, writing, 'If it has to do with him (it mostly does) then get a way of talking to him about it and how he can fix the situation to avoid leaving empty gaps inside that make you feel weak and vulnerable.'
Ultimately, the decision to confess or keep the secret to herself is a personal one, and one that only she can make.
