This archive report was first published on 25 June 2020.
As I sit in my adopted home in America, I am reminded of the Chinese idiom 'jiren lixia,' which means to live under someone else's roof. Growing up, my mother would use it to scare me into submission, warning me that if she abandoned me, I would face horrific abuse in another family. But my life in America has been a record of proving her wrong.
From completing my doctoral program to sitting at tables where I am the only Chinese woman, I have consistently defied expectations. Yet, in recent times, the phrase 'jiren lixia' has taken on a new meaning. The US president's efforts to restrict immigration and scientific collaboration with China have left me feeling like an outsider, even in my own home.
The deterioration of relations between China and the US is a complex issue, with both countries playing a role. China's rise as a superpower has brought about a sense of menace and insecurity, as the country's expanding wealth and hawkish posturing conceal a shrinking civic space. The government's crackdown on religious practices and ethnic customs, as well as its tightening grip over Hong Kong, has created a sense of unease.
As a Chinese person living in America, I feel a deep sense of responsibility for the actions of my homeland. But I also feel helpless, knowing that there is only one politically correct way to be Chinese. The recent incident in my hometown, where a white reporter was accosted by a young man who called him 'foreign trash,' has left me feeling guilty and overwhelmed.
As I navigate this complex web of emotions and identities, I am reminded of the importance of empathy and understanding. It is time for both China and the US to engage in a more nuanced dialogue, one that acknowledges the complexities of our shared history and the challenges of our present.
