This archive report was first published on 23 June 2020.
June 23, 2020, marked a significant day for many individuals who have ever been in a relationship that ended in heartbreak. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a renowned relationship expert, getting back with an ex is a common phenomenon that many people experience at some point in their lives.
Dr. Orbuch explains that the allure of rekindling an old flame is quite normal, especially when the reasons for the breakup were legitimate. In her book, Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, Dr. Orbuch notes that getting back with an ex can be easier than starting a new relationship because you already know each other's likes, dislikes, and behaviors.
However, many people fear that getting back with an ex will lead to a repeat of the same mistakes that caused the breakup in the first place. Dr. Orbuch advises that patience and a willingness to work through issues together are key to making a second chance at love successful.
So, how can you make getting back with your ex work? Here are a few pointers to consider:
Take your time
There's no proven formula for how fast or slow you should get things rolling again with an ex. However, it's essential to take your time and be certain about what you want from the relationship.
Before getting back together, take some time to chill and figure things out. Avoid letting the excitement of being back together cloud your judgment and prevent you from addressing the real issues that led to the breakup in the first place.
Know what you want
Happiness is a key ingredient in successful relationships. Getting back together gives you a chance to be real about what you need to be happy. Dr. Orbuch advises that you need to know both your expectations and the qualities you need from your partner.
Don't forget why your relationship didn't work out the first time. Have your deal breakers in mind and understand that some of your concerns may not change overnight.
Forgive and move on
If you've decided to give your ex a second chance, forgiveness shouldn't be a choice. You need to be willing to give them a chance to make things right, lest you end up crucifying them for past mistakes.
Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a psychologist and author of Dr. Chloe's 100 Commandments of Dating, advises that it's essential to talk about old wounds calmly and respectfully to avoid an unhealthy cycle of criticism.
It's the same person
Lastly, remember that you're still with the same person. While people can change, in most cases, they tend to remain the same. Don't be too ambitious with your expectations after the 'getting to know you again' phase is over.
There's a high chance that you'll both drift back to your old selves, so be prepared to deal with the habits you hated before. Before settling back, be sure that it's worth your time and effort.
