This archive report was first published on 22 June 2020.
Shirleen, a 26-year-old woman, is at her wit's end after discovering that her partner, 29, forged their marriage affidavit. The couple met in college, and Shirleen fell pregnant with his baby. After college, they moved in together, but things have taken a turn for the worse.
Shirleen's partner has been cold towards her, not telling her where he's going, and has even been silent for weeks. To make matters worse, he's been bad-mouthing her to his friends, telling them how bad she is and that they've already separated. Shirleen feels used and betrayed, and is worried about the impact on their two-year-old son.
Shirleen is seeking advice on what to do next. She's confused and doesn't know how to proceed. She wants to stay in the relationship and raise their child together, but her partner's behavior is making it difficult.
One reader, Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo, suggests that Shirleen should independently verify the 'bad mouthing' before doing anything else. She also advises Shirleen to make herself useful before her next pregnancy, and to confront her partner with the verified information.
Another reader, Tasma Saka, warns Shirleen that her partner may be a cheater and a social and health risk. She advises Shirleen to go for HIV testing and to legalise her relationship with her partner.
Reader Outha Onyango also advises Shirleen to be cautious and to think about her health and well-being. She suggests that Shirleen may need to take a step back and focus on herself.
Finally, reader Hilda Boke Mahare, a Counselling Psychologist, advises Shirleen to take time out to focus on herself. She suggests that Shirleen is emotionally drained and needs to replenish her emotional energy. She advises Shirleen to build herself up emotionally, acquire a skill, get a new hobby, and travel to a new place.
Shirleen's situation is a complex one, and there are no easy answers. However, with the advice of these readers, she may be able to find a way forward and save her relationship.
