This archive report was first published on 16 June 2020.
Published on June 16, 2020, by Louis Muiruri.
Paraffin Stove Woes ¶
The paraffin stove is a gadget that has been a thorn in the side of many a cook. Its development is shrouded in mystery, but its use is a recipe for disaster.
Lighting up the stove is a daunting task, requiring the precise size of wicks and a manual pressure pump that seems to serve no purpose other than to add to the complexity of the stove.
Even after investing time and effort into assembling and lighting the stove, there is no guarantee of a hot meal. The stove is notorious for running out of paraffin at the most inopportune moments, leaving families to go hungry.
But the woes of the paraffin stove do not end there. The stove emits noxious fumes that can bring a full UN assembly on global warming to a standstill. To safely extinguish the flames, one must remove the stove from the house and place it a reasonable distance away, pouring water directly on the wicks.
However, this process is not without its risks. The stove does not go down without a fight, emitting fumes that can drive neighbors to distraction. In one particularly memorable incident, a neighbor's stove was dragged back to their doorstep, giving them a taste of their own medicine.
It is little wonder, then, that the paraffin stove scores a zero across all environmental scorecards. It is slow, inefficient, and a menace to the environment. Its use is a relic of the past, and it is time to move on to more sustainable and efficient cooking methods.
