This archive report was first published on 10 September 2019.
Types of Women in Kenyan Churches ¶
Churches in Kenya have become more than just places of worship. They have evolved into business and profit-making organizations, with many preachers leading lavish lifestyles.
With millions of churches worldwide, women of different types can be found in every Kenyan church. From attention seekers to spiritual ones, here are the various types of women you'll encounter.
1. The Loud Ones ¶
These women are always shouting 'Amen' to anything the pastor or speaker says. They have high-pitched tones during praise and worship, and if they're part of the choir, their voices can be irritating.
2. The Chewers ¶
These annoying women chew from the start to the end of the service. Some even chew loudly, leaving those seated next to them angry. If you must chew, do it slowly or visit a miraa base.
3. The Latecomers ¶
These women are never on time and always walk in late, distracting other worshippers. Some even arrive wearing high heels, drawing attention to themselves.
4. The Spiritual Ones ¶
These women pray and worship with sincerity, praying for everyone, including neighbors' children and the security guard. They're never afraid to worship their maker.
5. Those Who Sit in Front and Distract the Pastor ¶
Every church has a Jezebel who dresses skimpily and fights for front seats to distract the pastor. They show off their cleavages, thighs, and legs to get the pastor's attention.
6. Those Looking for Sponsors ¶
City women attend top churches to hunt for wealthy boyfriends. They think attending services will help them find a jackpot, but God doesn't allow adultery.
7. Church Employees ¶
These women work as ushers, choir members, chefs, and security guards. They're always at church, from 6 am to 9 pm, ensuring everything is in order.
8. The Mean Ones ¶
These women rarely give offerings and fake calls to avoid giving. They're not generous and often gossip about others.
9. The Gossipers ¶
These women know everyone's history and gossip about their pastors. They even know when the pastor wears unsuitable shoes or trousers.
10. Mafisilets ¶
These women attend high-end churches to salivate over handsome pastors and share pictures on social media. They caption their posts with 'How many likes for my spiritual father?'
11. Committee Members ¶
These women are in all church committees and WhatsApp groups. They update members on personal issues, such as beatings by husbands or births.
12. Don't Wait for Sermons ¶
These women leave the church immediately after the offering is collected. They don't believe in sermons and prefer to stay home and read the Bible.
13. The Noisemakers ¶
These women talk endlessly and giggle during services, making it difficult for others to listen to the pastor. They're a highway to hell.
