This archive report was first published on 24 August 2019.
My Fiancé Seemed Perfect, But All He Wanted Was to Control Me ¶
When I met Thom, I thought I had found my perfect match. He was charming, successful, and attentive. We quickly became engaged, but as time went on, I began to realize that our relationship was not as perfect as it seemed.
Thom would send me 50-100 messages a day, long ones, and would get upset if I didn't respond immediately. He would say things like, 'I send you really long messages and I only get one sentence back.' I thought it was just his way of showing his love and interest, but now I realize it was a control tactic.
He would also use my past against me, telling me that my brother was a drug addict, my dad abandoned me, and my mum wasn't a good mum. He would say things he would later say he never remembered saying. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, never knowing when he would blow up at me.
It wasn't until I heard from a friend that Thom had sent an abusive email to an ex-girlfriend that I realized the extent of his behavior. He told me that he had said she was a 'C-Word' because she needed to be told. I asked him to apologize, but he said he had nothing to apologize for.
That's when I knew I had to leave. I couldn't take it anymore. I was scared of him, and I knew that if I came into contact with him face-to-face, he would convince me to stay. I finally stood up for myself and told him that I was done. I couldn't do it anymore.
Looking back, I realize that I was in an abusive relationship. Thom's behavior was controlling and manipulative, and I was lucky to get out when I did. I hope that my story can help others who may be in similar situations.
Published on www.bbc.com on August 24, 2019.
