This archive report was first published on 11 August 2019.
On August 11, 2019, Likoni MP Mishi Mboko sparked a heated debate during a memorial service for the late Kibra MP Ken Okoth, where she called on men to declare their position early and not break women's hearts when they are mourning.
According to Mboko, men should confess to their wives if they have children with other women before they die, rather than waiting for the wife to learn the hard way during the reading of the will or at the husband's funeral, or through court orders.
However, not all men agree with Mboko's stance. Bishop Philip Kitoto of the Kenya Assemblies of God believes that men's fear of the unknown is the reason they keep their affairs a secret. 'We are never quite sure of the reaction of our spouse and children. What will happen after they know,' says Kitoto.
Kitoto also attributes the secrecy to men's fear of being vulnerable and their sense of pride. 'Exposure and disclosure which are true elements of integrity are also hard to express. The pain of being vulnerable may be tough to bear,' he advises.
On the other hand, some men believe that it is not necessary to disclose their affairs to their wives. George Bush, a 28-year-old bachelor from Homa Bay County, argues that culturally and historically, a child belongs to the society, and a woman belongs to the society. 'Our work is to procreate. After procreation, whatever happens after you're gone, that's the work of society,' he says.
Lawrence Oyugi, a 44-year-old father of five from Migori County, also believes that men should not disclose their affairs to their wives. 'According to my tribe, a man is everything. We believe it is unnecessary to give a woman such kind of information because, at long last, we Luos don't reject children. We believe children are the continuation of the bloodline,' he says.
However, not all men agree with Oyugi's stance. Vincent Mboya Mulwa, a 54-year-old pastor at Christ Pilgrims Restoration Centre, believes that men should disclose their affairs to their wives. Mulwa, who is a polygamous man himself, argues that the Bible is 'a polygamous book' and as such, no Christian man should fear having relations outside his marriage and siring a child out of it.
Women also have strong opinions on the matter. While some women believe that they should know if their partners have children with other women, others believe that 'what you don't know doesn't hurt you.' Some women even vowed to 'do something' to avenge their partners' infidelity.
One woman, who discovered that her husband had a child with another woman, shared her story on Twitter. She said that she felt real, physical pain in her chest when she discovered the truth. 'If heartbreaks were literal, I think I felt it that day: real, physical pain in my chest. I had always heard of stories about cheating husbands and never once did I put myself in that position,' she said.
Ultimately, the decision to disclose or not to disclose one's affairs to their wives is a personal one that each individual must make for themselves.
