This archive report was first published on 8 August 2019.
My First Sex Party Changed My Outlook on Sex and Dating ¶
At 24, I attended my first sex party, an hour's drive outside of Boston. My partner, 31 at the time, had been to such events before, but I was still unsure of what to expect. As we arrived at the mansion, I felt underprepared, but excited about the prospect of exploring new experiences.
Once inside, I stripped down to my birthday suit and grabbed a bowtie from the bowl beside the door. The average age of the attendees was in their late 30s, with some women in their 60s. I bee-lined it towards the alcohol, feeling nervous, and after a few glasses of tequila, I began to relax and socialize.
I walked around, naked and bow-tied, asking women if they wanted a drink refilled. They would smile and say things like, 'You're cute. Come find me later.' I'd scurry off, feeling both aroused and frightened.
The owners of the house brought us into the living room to discuss ground rules. We were told we could have sex anywhere in the house except the kitchen and children's room. They also emphasized the importance of enthusiastic consent, requiring an affirmative 'yes' before engaging in any sexual activity.
What struck me was the encouragement to express our desires and finish them with 'If you're down, come find me later.' This approach made it easier for people to reject us without feeling awkward or personal.
That night, I didn't have penetrative sex with anyone, but I did enjoy eating out a few women who were double my age. I also got to see my partner engage with others, which was great to witness.
Two things stuck with me from that evening: the playfulness of sex and the realization that people who attend sex parties are just like you and me – open-minded, sex-positive, and non-judgmental.
As I reflect on that experience, I realize that it changed my outlook on sex and dating. I now believe that sex can and should be fun, and that we should strive to be more honest, open, and non-judgmental about our desires.
