This archive report was first published on 8 August 2019.
Identifying the Right Partner for You ¶
When it comes to dating, it's essential to be cautious and take your time to get to know someone before investing your emotions, resources, and time.
According to seasoned marriage and family therapist Grace Kariuki, it's crucial to gather as much information as possible about a person before getting to the courtship stage.
She advises that you should know why you're dating and what the end goal of the relationship is, and that you should be careful not to get too emotionally or sexually involved before getting to know someone well.
Grace recommends giving dating a period of three months before the courtship stage, which is the next step before marriage.
Knowing Your Values
Grace emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in identifying the right person for you. She suggests drawing up two lists: what you must have in a relationship and what you can't stand in a relationship.
These lists will help you clarify your values, which are the standards and principles that you live by. You want to find a person who shares the most fundamental values and beliefs as you, such as religious beliefs and moral convictions.
So, if your values are in conflict with those of the person you're dating or considering to date, it's clear that they're not the right person for you.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Grace advises that the right person should celebrate you, inspire you to grow, accept you as you are, and be willing to make you a better person.
On the other hand, a partner who puts you down, criticizes you, belittles you, envies you, drains you emotionally, insults you, controls what you do, or doesn't try to accommodate your mistakes isn't a good fit for you.
Physical Attraction Matters
When identifying the right person for you, physical attraction is equally important as mental and emotional chemistry. If you're not physically attracted to your date, Grace advises that you should consider ending the relationship.
Another aspect to look out for is someone's interest in you and what you do. If your partner shows little interest in you, your work, your family, friends, dreams, aspirations, etc., then you want to think twice about the relationship.
Watch out for egocentric people who only talk about themselves and are unable to focus on you, and those who are only intensely focused on you, as there's a difference between love and control.
