This archive report was first published on 1 August 2019.
Recognizing toxic friendships can be challenging, but experts say there are telltale signs. According to Catherine Mbau, a psychologist, toxic friendships are essentially not friendships at all. They are based on lies that cannot be sustained in real life, she says.
One way to know if you're stuck in a toxic friendship is when you're trying too hard to fit in. Mbau notes that this can happen when you're shoe-horning yourself into relationships, pretending to be someone you're not. You'll behave in a certain way to prove that you deserve to be close to someone, she says.
Another sign of a toxic friendship is when you're the only one putting in the effort. Mbau advises quitting making all the sacrifices if they're not being reciprocated. Friendship is a two-way street, she emphasizes, and both parties must be committed to the relationship.
Being intentional is key, says Evelyn Mwenda. This means making time for your friends and showing up because you've set aside time to do so. It's not just about attending social events, but also about being present in the relationship.
Lastly, be wary of friends who seem to only want something from you. Mbau notes that when you stop supplying them with what they want, they'll vanish. Anita Awuor, another psychologist, warns against lending money to friends who may not pay you back. If money is the motivation behind someone wanting to be your friend, it's better to end the friendship.
According to Mbau, it may be better not to have a friend than be stuck in a toxic one. With these insights, you can take the first step towards breaking free from toxic friendships and nurturing healthy relationships.
