Binyavanga Wainaina, a celebrated author, shared his experience of his first kiss with a man, which he said saved his life.
According to Wainaina, his first kiss was a turning point in understanding and embracing his sexuality. He wrote,
"In my 20s, I wanted to be asexual. I let my body grow very fat (safe from desire). I became the group rustic – big dreads to hide under, oversize clothes, never shave, a story of huggable bear who never lets anybody close. I decided to love groups, buddies, cliques. Like many queers, become the class clown. Nobody asks you who you are with. You make sure they have no reason to ask you. You put out the vibe that you are beyond sex and loving. You are available to advise everybody. You are a public person, in your room you wank a lot. Alone. I did the work diligently of guiding everybody to not see me as a sexual person, a person needing love. I was the highest defender of all closets. I made all those who love me expect little of me. I expected very little of me. It nearly destroyed me. I buried a friend who died of shame..I would have expired the same way, slowly degraded again and again. Until I was thirty I really thought kisses were dirty. Every woman I kissed sexually left me feeling wrong and dirty. So, I told myself sex itself is bad. It was a male escort who kissed me and made me feel I deserved to tingle from a kiss. Imagine that. A French Canadian man in Montreal. Imagine that. Fucker saved my life."
Wainaina's statement sheds light on his journey of self-discovery and acceptance of his sexuality.
