This archive report was first published on 22 July 2019.
Published on July 22, 2019, a young man shared his heart-wrenching story of losing his father to HIV-related complications, and the pain he feels due to his stepmother's alleged failure to disclose her status.
His father passed away on May 23, 2019, after being discharged from the hospital despite his deteriorating health. The young man's stepmother had convinced the hospital staff to discharge him, claiming that the doctors had managed to control his diarrhoea and that he was ready to be taken home.
However, the young man discovered that his father had died from HIV-related complications, and that his stepmother had been on ARVs for a whole year. He felt betrayed and hurt, and couldn't understand why his stepmother had kept her status a secret.
He expressed his pain and anger, saying, "I feel betrayed because if she had not hidden her status, my dad would still be alive today. If she had told us that it was HIV/AIDS we were dealing with, we would have taken him to hospital sooner than we did. She had her own selfish reasons for not telling us. Were it not for a third party, the doctor, I would not know the truth. She made grieving unbearable."
He asked for help on how to deal with his pain and let go of his hate for his stepmother. A reader responded with empathy and advice, saying, "Grief makes us experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions. These emotions range from shock, anger or disbelief. The guilt and blame you feel can disrupt your physical and mental wellbeing if not managed."
The reader suggested that the young man should try to manage his emotions and thoughts, and tell himself, "I did all I could do. I did not abandon my father."
The reader also acknowledged that the discovery of the father's HIV status was a difficult pill to swallow, but emphasized that disclosure of one's status is a matter left for the individual with the help of professionals.
