This archive report was first published on 21 July 2019.
Marriage has become a fleeting institution in Kenya, with couples seeking divorce just weeks into their unions. This shift is a far cry from the past, when couples stayed married for decades, despite the challenges they faced.
According to Nancy Muthumbi, a mother of six who has been married for 38 years, the reason for this change lies in the fact that people no longer take marriage seriously. She believes that the men and women of the good old days are in short supply, and that today's generation is vain.
However, Nancy's own experience suggests that relationships of the past generation were not as rosy as we imagine. Marriages lasted longer, but they were just as, if not more, bumpy. Couples dealt with issues differently, and there was a tradition of duty that kept them together.
"Back then, there was a tradition of duty but today's tradition is one of self-fulfillment. Marriage was much more than a relationship between you and your spouse. You kind of had a duty to stay in it," she explains.
Another woman, Rhoda Kananu, has had a not-so-rosy marriage, riddled with heavy drinking and emotional abuse. Despite this, she never considered divorce, citing the complexity of the process and the fear of the unknown.
"I have been a shopkeeper all my life. Going through a divorce seemed like a complicated process, I would not have known how to go about it. I did not know anyone who had done it. Today's woman is able to stand on her two feet and can thus take the easy way out," she says.
These women's experiences highlight the changing societal values and expectations that have led to the breakdown of marriages in Kenya. As one woman, Terry, a retired teacher who has been married for 26 years, puts it, "You compartmentalise your emotions. You stop treating marriage like a source of happiness. It becomes like a rite of passage. Like initiation or baptism. Take the good you can from it and shut out the rest."
