This archive report was first published on 21 July 2019.
Marriage has become a fragile institution in modern times, with couples seeking divorce just weeks into their unions. This shift is a stark contrast to the past, when couples stayed married despite the challenges they faced.
According to Nancy Muthumbi, a mother of six who has been married for 38 years, out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation were unheard of in her time. She attributes the current state of affairs to the lack of commitment and the absence of men and women with strong values.
However, Nancy's own experience reveals that relationships in the past were not as idyllic as they seem. Marriages lasted longer, but they were just as, if not more, bumpy. Couples dealt with issues differently, and there was a sense of duty and responsibility that kept them together.
"Back then, there was a tradition of duty, but today's tradition is one of self-fulfillment," Nancy explains. "Marriage was much more than a relationship between you and your spouse. You kind of had a duty to stay in it."
Another woman, Rhoda Kananu, has had a tumultuous marriage marked by heavy drinking and emotional abuse. Despite considering divorce, she stayed in the marriage due to fear and lack of knowledge about the process. Today's society accepts divorce, and Rhoda's children even suggested that she get a divorce, but she stayed due to fear of the unknown.
"You compartmentalise your emotions," shares Terry, a retired teacher who has been married for 26 years. "You stop treating marriage like a source of happiness. It becomes like a rite of passage. Like initiation or baptism. Take the good you can from it and shut out the rest."
Marriages may not have changed much, but the goalposts have. Success in marriage today is measured by individual happiness, whereas in the past, it was measured by how long the marriage lasted.
