This archive report was first published on 19 July 2019.
As the saying goes, 'happiness is a myth.' And for many married couples, this couldn't be truer. A recent conversation between a husband and wife, Caroline, brought this reality to the forefront.
Caroline had been feeling unhappy about her husband's close relationship with his baby mama, his detached commitment to her projects, and the flirty messages he had sent to her. She was also unhappy with her job, earning a six-figure salary, and felt pressure from her in-laws to have another baby, with her husband wanting one as well.
After a barrage of unsolicited complaints, the husband told Caroline to 'stop searching for happiness' and 'make do with what you have.' He pointed out that she had a good job, was in good health, and had two cute babies, what more could she want?
However, Caroline felt that this response was dismissive and rude. She felt that it was okay to be dissatisfied with some things, but nagging every day would not be helpful. She asked what the baby mama wanted, and the husband replied that she wanted him to be part of their son's upbringing.
The husband's response was that child support was not enough, and physical presence mattered. He also suggested that Caroline could be involved in their son's life if she wanted to be.
As the conversation continued, the husband's words took on a tone of 'embrace the situation and be happy.' He suggested that adults should accept the fact that their situation is permanent and move on.
However, Caroline felt that the husband was not taking her concerns seriously and was being insensitive to her feelings. She felt that he was not willing to work through their issues and find a solution that would make her happy.
As the conversation came to a close, the husband's words seemed to ring hollow. He seemed to be saying that happiness is not something that can be achieved, but rather something that one should just accept.
But is that really the case? Can happiness be achieved in marriage, or is it just a myth that we tell ourselves to make the hard realities of marriage more palatable?
