HERE ARE 7 Things No Man Wants to Hear in Bed

To help us all understand why these sayings should be off-limits, I’ve included what men actually hear when you drop these sex bombs. You say: “Are you close?” He hears: Would you hurry up? I’m bored! You say: “Is it in yet?” He hears: You’re so small, I can’t even feel it. “Or I wonder if her ex was huge,” says one friend. You say: “Let’s finish.” He hears: You suck at this whole sex thing. “Not pleasing your woman is a big no-no,” another friend says. You say: “Oh, John!”—when his name is actually Jacob. Whoops! He hears: Oh, John! (And the sound of his erection taking a nose-dive.) You say: … (nothing) He hears: The crickets in the distance. “I figure I must be doing things all wrong,” says yet another friend. “That, or she fell asleep.” You say: “Don’t do that.” He hears: That doesn’t feel good. “I don’t mind constructive criticism,” says one guy, “but at least tell me what I can do instead to make you feel good.” You say: “My ex used to…” He hears: You’re not as good as my ex, and I wish I was with him instead.